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Fitzcarraldo - Review

2009-03-05T15:02:00.010-05:00

Winter is the coldest, darkest, sleepiest and fattest of seasons. It's the season of sweat pants and forgotten resolutions. The thrill in your day consists of rolling up a paper coffee cup rim, but never, ever, to win. You try to consume the easiest, most comforting stuff until, like some subterranean rodent, you feel it is time to poke your head up into the sky and squint into the warm sun again.

If winter had a badly written haiku it would read as follows:

Cold dark winter day
Runny nose but no tissue
I hate everything

All this is a round about way of saying that like any tired, cranky Canadian, I decided to kick my own butt (and brain) with a Werner Herzog movie night. I had a DVD (bought new and cheap!) of Fitzcarraldo. The cult classic seemed like the ticket to help me forget all the sick and miserable people shuffling around Toronto. At the end of the evening my little troubles seemed like small beans compared to madness, obsession, and toil in the jungles of the Amazon. Here's the review:

Fitzcarraldo
(Peru / West Germany, directed by Werner Herzog)

I really like Werner Herzog. His films can be somewhat insane, darkly hilarious, and sometimes brilliant. Not all his films are classic, or even very good, but some of them are so bloody great you forgive him his shortcomings. Fitzcarraldo was written and directed by Herzog. It was filmed in the Peruvian jungles and captures the sublime beauty and horrible reality of an ancient society colliding with turn of the century industry. It is the story of obsession and folly on a grand scale. It stars frequent Herzog collaborator Klaus Kinski. It has everything I love about Herzog's best films and IT WAS FANTASTIC.

Okay, so now you know where I stand. Fitzcarraldo is certainly not a light or fluffy movie, and at two and a half hours it can sometimes feel like a long slog. But the labour is so well rewarded. The immersion into the jungle, into that space and the madness that dwells there, is so complete. The unique jungle environments are a common setting for Herzog that he repeats in other films like Aguirre, the Wrath of God, and Rescue Dawn. Even compared to all his other work, Herzog rarely reaches as far, or gains as much, as he does with Fitzcarraldo.

The story of Fitzcarraldo was inspired by true events. During the turn of the 20th century, "rubber barons" in South America made huge amounts of money tapping and exporting the sap of the rubber trees. As their wealth grew, they feigned to live like European aristocracy in towns along the Amazon river. Fitzcarraldo (actually an Irish descendant named Brian Sweeney Fitzgerald), is a bankrupt railroad owner obsessed with bringing the beauty of opera to the wilds of his frontier town. With the love (and money) of his town's madame, Fitzcarraldo buys a steamboat to claim his own piece of the rubber wealth. With a largely suspect crew, Fitzcarraldo sails his boat into unfriendly territory and finally actualizes his plan to drag the steamboat out of the water and over a small mountain in order to circumvent impassable rapids.

Fitzcarraldo attempts to get a small business loan to buy a steamboat so he can drag it up a mountain and bring opera to the jungle. It's a tough sell.
The operative plot to Fitzcarraldo is so great I'm going to repeat it. With the help of a vast group of indigenous people, Fitzcarraldo builds a huge, multi leveled pulley system and drags a steamboat over a mountain. The indigenous people Fitzcarraldo finds to help him initially think he's a God. His passion is inspiring, but his methods are obviously flawed. Fitzcarraldo pays for his obsession when his allies reveal their own plans to appease the river Gods. Fitzcarraldo ends in tragic yet triumphant resolution with the hero both destroyed and redeemed by his passions.

This sort of tension cannot be good for digestion
Even with the intensity, humour and raw emotion Kinski brings to the title role, I think the real power of Fitzcarraldo is in the visuals. The central theme of man struggling with his passions in a hostile world (so important in many of Herzog's films) has never been as boldly realized as in the sight of a giant, creaking boat being hauled up over the jungle floor. The fact that this was a real boat, being pulled up a real hill, is the entire point. No CGI, no models, and no rational advice to stop trying to pull a God damned boat up a mountain could stop Herzog from filming his vision. It is there and it is real. I love that. I also love how Herzog holds a shot just long enough to become almost uncomfortable. The visuals overwhelm our normally short attention spans, just as the silence, and sounds of the jungle overwhelm any of the dialogue.

Fitzcarraldo is not the type of movie you pop into the DVD player when you want silly entertainment (although I must admit I find aspects of it pretty funny). Fitzcarraldo is the kind of movie that requires some effort to watch, but it is an engrossing story. The image of Fitzcarraldo on top of his boat, playing an opera record and being enraptured by the music while the natives follow him silently in their canoes stays in my mind. There are all sorts of messages in the movie, and all sorts of ways it may make an impression on you. I'll be happy to see Fitzcarraldo many more times in the years to come, and glean new images and impressions from this amazing film.

You should really watch Fitzcarraldo. You can find a cheap copy on DVD from the "Cult Classic Film Series" here in Canada. The packaging is red and yellow, with a distinct Grindhouse feel. I was afraid that the print might not be very good, but it was actually very clear and had quite a few bonus features.

Here's the dramatic (and German!) trailer for Fitzcarraldo.

Remembering Yma Sumac

2008-12-18T17:02:00.008-05:00

Yma Sumac: September 13, 1922 – November 1, 2008
On November 1st, Yma Sumac passed away peacefully at the age of 86. Yma Sumac was a soprano with an amazing five octave vocal range. She embodied "exotica" in the 1950s lounge music scene with her mambo beats, big band accompaniments, and Peruvian princess persona. Yma was confident, beautiful and mysterious. Most amazingly of all, she had a voice to back up her eccentric facade. In her popular albums she would sing with operatic timbre, imitate the melody of a songbird, or offer deep throaty growls and rise to impossibly high trills all in the same song! Many people found her weird, or didn't care for her music, but everyone had to admit the woman could sing.

This song called "Bo Mambo" and it's fantastic.
In the 50s when all the cool suburbanites had tiki bars, you could bet to find an Yma Sumac album on the wifi. She was an icon of exotic tiki culture. When people started tearing out the bamboo and laying shag rugs, Yma's career faded into nostalgic camp. She was a woman of a certain time; a genuine Inca Goddess for the basement rec room. Although her music transcended pure kitch appeal, it was, at its heart, most at home during cocktail hour while you sipped something accompanied by a small, paper umbrella.

These days hipsters my own age usually no nothing of Yma Sumac, although I bet they would recognize some of her arrangements from hip hop music or movie soundtracks. If you're one of those people nuts about The Big Lebowski, you really need to look into Yma Sumac. The Coen Brothers have long used her to underscore their bizarre and trippy scenes.

Even the young Yma had a lot of sultry attitude
Like all great eccentrics, Yma was subject to gossip and popular rumours. One of the best is that she was not in fact Yma Sumac, but Amy Camus (see what they did there?), a housewife from Brooklyn New York. My own dad told me that she sang in a made up language that "sounded like Spanish". Turns out she was singing in Jivaro, an obscure native Peruvian language. I think, amazing as it sounds, that Yma Sumac actually was a descendant of ancient Peruvian Emperors. Even if she wasn't, she had the fortitude and attitude to pull it off. How often do you come across a talent or a life such as hers?

Last year in an inspired bout of procrastination I found Yma Sumac's official website, and from there found the address where I could write to her and (with a $25 money order) receive my own autographed photo. I used a card with a photo of a dog on it for my letter, because Yma liked animals. I wrote that I was a big fan, and that I have always loved her music. I thanked her for being so unique and wonderful. It was a strange thing to do, I admit. I had never written a "fan letter" before, and I'm not sure I ever will again. I just was so amazed that she was still alive, still available to read my letter and send me her photo. The beautiful photograph I received is still carefully tacked up to my bulletin board, awaiting an exotic vintage frame worthy of her image. I'm so glad I wrote to her when I had the chance. Rest in peace, Yma.

Dreams with Sharp Teeth - Review

2008-11-20T15:03:00.006-05:00

Dreams with Sharp Teeth
(USA, Directed by Erik Nelson)

Harlan Ellison is one of the touchstones that helped form my adolescent self. Growing up in the country without cable TV or computers, I somehow stumbled into an appreciation for science fiction from the 1960s, 70s and 80s. Now that I think about it, it may have been the groundbreaking TVO program "Prisioners of Gravity" that started the trend. For half an hour once a week (and this had to be watched on schedule as we were still in the days of renting the VCR), interviews with science fiction, fantasy and comic book writers were edited together to create topical discussions. There, somewhere, was Harlan Ellison. He was hilarious and cantankerous and seemed perpetually on the cusp of a massive coronary attack. He seemed to hate a lot of things, but I felt he had good reason. Eventually I found his collection "Angry Candy" and from there moved into "Again Dangerous Visions" and "The Glass Teat". His writing was really strange and foreign, but he embodied for me the perfect image of the writer - someone alive with wit and opinion. I wanted to be a writer so, I guess, in a weird way I wanted to be Harlan Ellison. Strange goal for a country girl.

Anyway, now I live in the big city and I'm very educated and sophisticated and even appreciate the complexities of wine, but part of me is always going to want to be Harlan Ellison. I still read (and reread) his work. The documentary "Dreams with Sharp Teeth" was a must see for me at this year's Hot Docs festival. There was no question. I didn't even care if the movie was bad. I just wanted to spend some time with an old hero.

Harlan in his younger days
Luckily, Dreams with Sharp Teeth was a good solid movie, even without the rambling personal history. Harlan, now 74, shares his opinions, memories, and observations in energetic staccato bursts. There are references to his past including his many romantic liaisons, a childhood as the sarcastic runt who learned how to fight, and that one time he may or may not have shoved a guy down an elevator shaft. Additional interviews with acquaintances like Robin Willaims and Neil Gaiman offer their own fascinating insights into the author's world and the tempestuous reality of being his friend. The whole film is also greatly assisted by a tour through Harlan's LA Xanadu (aptly named the Lost Aztec Temple of Mars); a home that boasts secret passageways, wall to wall bookshelves, and a room dedicated to the preservation and storage of old typewriters.

Harlan today. I'm going to guess he's mad about something.
All this is sounding a little like the gushing of a fan girl, but even if you've never heard of Harlan Ellison, I think you will enjoy this film. It is about the creative process of a very prolific writer, and it offers insight into the dedication and determination necessary to accomplish any creative goal. It is often hilarious. Even if you never read one of his books, or totally disagree with his opinions, you will appreciate that Harlan Ellison is a pretty entertaining eccentric. He's also very intelligent, and his angry cries for us to rise above mediocrity are more appropriate than ever. Segments of the film are simply Harlan reading from one of his books, and in these segments I could have done with a little less of the undulating green screen background. It makes sense, however, to couple trippy visuals with the man who created "speculative fiction" in the 1960s. And even the parts that got a little too psychedelic were then followed by verite segments like Harlan driving in congested LA traffic and calling for the deaths of all his fellow motorists.

So in the end the film made me laugh, think, and even dust off some books I hadn't picked up in a while. I was not disappointed by "Dreams with Sharp Teeth" and I felt the film did justice to one of my literary heroes. I am such a geek I will try to buy this one on DVD.

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Here's the trailer for the film. In case you're at work or something I guess I should mention that the trailer contains swearing. I know. It's hard to imagine Harlan Ellison ever uttering a disagreeable word but there it is.

The Rentz doc is FINALLY FINISHED!

2008-11-06T12:09:00.007-05:00

Will wonders never cease?! After (mumbled number) years, the documentary I made about Canadian folk artist Ewald Rentz is finally shot, edited, and available on DVD. The film is titled The "Completed" Art of Ewald Rentz. This is a major accomplishment for me, and one of the reasons I haven't updated my blog in many a months.

You can learn more about the film at the NEW Rentz movie website. This site replaces my old website, which told people to watch for the film's release in "Fall 2004" - a deadline I seem to have missed. In my own defense, we did film two additional (and very valuable) interviews, and I had to cat sit for a neighbour at least twice during the extra four years it took to complete. There's only so much you can do in a day.

Looking back at the long process of making this short film, I can at least take solace in the fact that I learned a lot along the way. The premise was simple; to interview collectors, dealers and acquaintances of Ewald Rentz and to intersect those interviews with detailed footage of his work. It wasn't like I was going all Herzog and running up an active volcano or anything. My interview subjects were extremely gracious and generous with their time and expertise. My producer Phillip Ross is also my dad so I didn't have any surly teamsters to befriend. It was in many ways an easy project, yet the journey from research to completion was surprisingly complex.

Am I happy with the finished film? BIG YES. There is a lot of great information in it about Rentz, his backgroud and inspirations, and his unique artistic style. The interviews vary from informational to personal. There's a bit of humour and a touch of drama. There are many good, detailed shots on the artwork, and family photos that put the artwork in context with Rentz's life. I am proud of the film and the response by others has been very positive.

Interview subject and major Canadian folk art collector Susan Murray
However, this is a blog where I criticize other documentaries, so in that spirit let me also tell you about the difficulties I experienced. My cinematography is pretty solid, although in editing I did find a need for more cut away shots. I started shooting the first interview straight out of film school, and I was so aware of how my little DV camera was not professional that I compensated by practically gluing it to a tripod. It makes some of the shots stable but a bit boring. We made good use of available light, save one interview that had the subject in a slightly darkened room with GIANT SUNNY WINDOWS on either side of his head. It sort of looked like we were in a bunker with an atomic explosion happening right outside the window. Luckily for me there are many decent exposure fixes built right into Final Cut Pro. The friendly experts at Trinity Square Video also helped me "turn down" the contrast. Most importantly, next time I'm shooting I'll ask myself "will this look like a bomb scene?" and change the lighting before I start rolling.

Checking out a small Rentz sculpture in detail
The sound quality is 80% good, with 20% "I wish I had a better directional mic so I didn't hear that lady sneezing off camera". I got pretty obsessive about the sound in post, often going frame by frame to cut out or diminish the worst offenders. It's amazing how much you do in post production with sound, image and even colour changes that you know the audience will never, ever appreciate. I guess it's an appreciation of omission. You just have to take the editor's word for it that the hours spent in a dark editing room makes a better final product.

Sculpture by Ewald Rentz
The film was so low budget, I believe it qualifies as "no budget plus gas money". I used my own camera, my own light set, and my own computer (mainly) to edit. Producer Phil secured the interviews, drove us around, asked the questions and became an interview subject himself. We both wore many hats to finish our little film. Next time out I may want to have a three or four person crew (a boom mic would be a lovely thing) but I have no regrets about the method or final product we produced. In a way, the honesty and joy of folk art is mimicked in our ragtag shooting style. Everyone involved with this film wanted to share something about the art they love, and that appreciation shines though any technical shortcomings.

Look at that terrific DVD. Would you like to own a copy? YOU CAN!
So here's the thing, if you're a fan of Ewald Rentz, Canadian folk art, or supporting struggling filmmakers, you can buy a copy of the DVD for only $20 Canadian. That's $20 - taxes included! The DVD comes with an image slideshow, full colour trapsheet, and shrink wrapping. We spent the money on professional DVD duplication and it shows (don't forget to be impressed by the bar code).Check out www.rentzmovie.com to order. It makes a great holiday gift! Order your copy today!

...I guess my critique turned into a bit of a sales pitch but seriously, I have multiple boxes of DVDs in the corner of my office that I would just love to wrap up and mail to warm loving homes. All major credit cards are accepted! SUPPLIES ARE LIMITED! ORDER NOW!!!

Special Self-Congratulatory Post!

2008-07-29T13:19:00.015-04:00

I'm dedicating this blog post to some stuff I've done recently. I've managed to accomplish a few creative things in spite of the daily grind, the plumbers invading my apartment, and the subsequent waterfall spewing forth from behind my kitchen cupboards (pipes can explode, apparently). I'm going to take a moment to relax with a cup of tea and congratulate myself. I'm going to, as the kids say, celebrate like it's my birthday. But not my real birthdays. Because those depress me.

First of all, a new issue of filmCAN is out and three of my Hot Docs reviews are included. FilmCAN keeps getting better with each new issue. Great interviews with intriguing film makers, reviews, and essays from knowledgeable fans who really know and love the movies. Check out their pod casts and exclusive digital downloads. There's a lot of great stuff on the site and I'm proud to be part of their team.

Secondly, a few months ago I finished a large web project for a client. The site is for an illustrator, calligrapher, and visual artist named Michele Nidenoff. Michele's work has appeared in numerous magazines and children's books (as well as on my office wall). Together we came up with a layout that would showcase her artwork in a clean, intuitive and simple design. I'm particularly proud of the "thumbnail / large image with caption" function that I implemented. It had me stumped at first but through a whole lotta CSS wrangling I figured out how to make this deceptively "easy" function work perfectly. I am very happy with the final site as well as the chance to help this wonderful artist and her growing business.

So I guess I should stop patting myself on the back now (it makes it really hard to type). I'll be posting a new review soon and, as always, I value your comments. If you need a website designer / media critic / person with an unusually damp kitchen you know who to call.

Ever hear of this Joss Whedon guy?

2008-07-21T14:04:00.011-04:00

So I am simultaneously proving and disproving my geek cred by recommending a podcast by Joss Whedon. If you are a true geek, you've been following his series Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog since it debuted on July 15th. If you're not a geek than you are very lost and have stumbled upon a site dedicated to documentaries, video games, and, to a lesser extent, pez dispensers. So I'm guessing you're not even reading this sentence and have already scuttled off to something cool like a blog dedicated to celebrity gossip or a tattoo enthusiast bulletin board.

For those of you still here (hey thanks!), I am extending a hearty endorsement of Joss Wheadon and his low budget enterprise. Right now DHSAB is a video series available for download on iTunes. It costs a few bucks per 12 to 15 minute episode and there are three episodes in total. Here's the important-so-I'm-using-bold part: the series is only available on iTunes until July 29. After that, it'll be pulled to build interest in the forthcoming DVD. I'd recommend you download the series and buy the DVD, because the DVD is going to have plenty of cra-zay extras like a musical commentary track. What? Exactly.

The series stars Neil Patrick Harris, Felicia Day and Nathan Fillion. The script is intentionally campy and fun, with the winning mix of drama and sarcastic humour that made Whedon's other shows cult classics. Also, it's a freaking musical, and the actors do an amazing job with some really good, catchy material.

So will Dr. Horrible win the girl of his dreams? Will Bad Horse (the Thoroughbred of Sin) accept his application to the Evil League of Evil? Will Nathan Fillion flex his muscles in that tight little T-shirt? The only way to find out is to watch...

Grey Gardens - Review

2008-07-03T16:08:00.014-04:00

Looking back only a month ago, it seems impossible that I knew nothing about Big Edie, Little Edie, and the crumbling grandeur of a Hamptons estate called Grey Gardens. Although I graduated from film school no one had ever told me about this documentary. You know how I found out about it? Gilmore Girls. That's right. The show where women chatter endlessly about boys, clothes, food they like to eat, and obscure pop culture. Take that University education! Since I first watched Grey Gardens I've become a bit obsessed with all things Edie. This film has quite the cult following with everyone from drag queens to film snobs. The web is full of articles about the Beal women, info on the subsequent "Grey Gardens" Broadway musical and upcoming scripted film (shot on Toronto Island!). I'm breathless with all sorts of things to say about this doc. Good thing I'm typing.

Grey Gardens
(USA, Directed by David Maysles, Albert Maysles, Ellen Hovde, Muffie Meyer)

Grey Gardens is an eminently watchable and effective examination of mother and daughter "Big" Edie and "Little" Edie Bouvier Beals. Once the purebred beauties of a privileged and educated upper class, the women (at ages 78 and 56) are now ostracized from their families and peers, living in poverty among the decay of their East Hamptons estate. Big Edie is the aunt of none other than Jackie Kennedy. Wed into an important family, she was a wife and mother who longed for a singing career after her marriage dissolved. Little Edie was a beautiful model and dancer who didn't want to settle into the trappings of her father's strict rules. They were rebels who refused a gilded cage in search of lives of their own making. The Beal women paid for their rebellion in emotional co-dependence, poverty and isolation. They fought a constant battle with each other - Big Edie holding her daughter to her, Little Edie resentful but unwilling to break free - but they essentially lived as they wanted.

The Maysles brothers do their subjects a great service by remaining unobtrusive and politely non-judgmental of the Beals. David and Albert Maysles (the only seen crew) observe and sometimes communicate directly with the women, but for the most part their responses are expressed non-verbally with spontaneous camera zooms or silently held shots. Their patience is rewarded with intimate access to the women and their entangled relationship. All the usual editorial embellishments of documentary are absent (voice over, musical cues, slow motion). The verite style can become tedious with lesser film makers, or lesser subjects, but here the mix between unedited life and implied greater meaning is beautifully balanced.

Artistry of the film makers aside, how could you not be fascinated by these women? Big Edie runs the house from her filthy, cat infested bedroom (she leaves the second floor of the house only once in the film). She sings, offers pieces of advice and criticism and yells out commands to her daughter in a lilting, girlish voice. Little Edie, who shares her mother's bedroom, is often found on the terrace, among the overgrown gardens, or in the attic feeding the raccoons. Dressed in head scarves and high heels, Little Edie is a grown up demented Debutante. She speaks directly to the camera and alternates between coquettish prancing, conspiratorial whispers, and the indignant observations of a "staunch character". Not stupid, and not quite crazy, both women provide many moments of dark and strange humour. I felt able to laugh without feeling guilty; a distinction I credit to the unapologetic strength of the subjects. Big Edie's singing voice can break your heart, but you don't feel sorry for her. Even when you see old photographs of the women in their glory days of beauty, wealth and influence, the effect is not depressing. The Beal women are authentic eccentrics. They live as they want, and there is a freedom in that that permeates the obvious economic and social deficiencies of their lives.

So if you can't tell, I really recommend this film. There are long segments where the women bicker, and I'm not going to promise that every moment is going to hold you at rapt attention. But the greater story of these women, and their isolated lives (broken only by a few notable visitors) is well worth the visit. Criterion Collection released an excellent DVD of the film plus bonus materials. Before the feature film is released do yourself a favour and try to see this fantastic documentary. 5 out of 5

Song Sung Blue - Review

2008-04-28T12:17:00.012-04:00

Well, Hot Docs is over but my reviews keep coming. I'm off to Las Vegas in a few days so I'm going to keep this preamble short. Concordantly, Hot Docs was great this year but I didn't feel like I really enjoyed it as much as years past. This might have something to do with a deadline at work, or the tragic lack of popcorn at most of the venues I attended. I was very happy, however, to attend the Song Sung Blue screening. I really liked this movie, and not just because I have a deep and embarrassing love for Neil Diamond.

Song Sung Blue
(USA, Directed by Greg Kohs)

Who knew a film about a Neil Diamond impersonator would be so fraught with pathos and tragedy? I went into the screening expecting to have a few laughs and maybe gain some insight into the competitive world of tribute artists. I didn't expect the sympathy I came to feel for Mike Sardina, his wife Claire, and their family. Based on what I saw, Song Sung Blue was one of the strongest films to screen at this year's Hot Docs. Much like the song in the title, the film stays in your head long after the credits roll.

Of course, Mike and Claire Sardina are pretty unforgettable people. Stationed in Milwaukee, they eked out a living at bars and parties as the duo "Lightning and Thunder". Mike (Lightning), was a completely committed Neil Diamond impersonator and musician in his own right, and Claire (Thunder) provided backup vocals and stole the spotlight with her strong Patsy Cline covers. They were in love with performing and the promise of fame. They had fans who followed them over the years and across the Midwest. On stage, they were an entertaining mix of enthusiasm and corn ball dramatics.

Off stage, however, the Sardina family were unravelling at the seams. Although obviously in love, Mike and Claire went through a bizarre accident that left Claire dependant on painkillers and in a deep depression. As she went so did the family, and the intimate access granted to the film makers (supplemented by home videos) gives a front row seat to the resulting dysfunction.

Without giving anything else away, there is a redemption, of sorts, for the family. Through all the hardships Lightning and Thunder remain committed to their music and to each other. This is a strangely epic story told on a very small, almost suffocatingly close scale. It's an exploration of family dynamics, personal struggle, and even the American dream. It’s a surreal and often strange journey, but one that leaves the viewer with more than just old pop songs to contemplate. 4.5 out of 5.

The TTC Strike - My Calm and Rational Thoughts (honestly!)

2008-04-26T11:39:00.008-04:00

I will try to keep this short. Last night I attended a Hot Docs screening at the Rom theatre. After the screening a festival volunteer came in and told us we better get out of the theatre if we wanted to take transit. It was 11:15 and the TTC was going on strike in 45 minutes.

The huge network of buses, trains and streetcars responsible for getting people home safely was going on strike, on a Friday night, with barely an hour’s notice. Few bars, clubs, restaurants, and movie theatres were able to give their patrons a warning. At midnight - exactly when most people start thinking about getting home and sleeping off their fun - the TTC left everyone stranded.

Thanks to our Hot Docs volunteer, we were able to catch one of the last trains going North and made it home with minutes to spare. Then we tuned into CP24 coverage of the strike. We watched drunk (and, as time passed, drunker) citizens trying to hail cabs and call family. There were young women teetering around in high heels, trying to rouse themselves for the long walk home to Scarborough.

Union president Bob Kinnear said, in part, that they didn’t give us a warning because their employees experienced “verbal and sometimes physical abuse” when they gave a warning last time. They were concerned for the employees safety. What about our safety? What about the poor drunk kids who had to hoof it home from the downtown core? A lot of us don’t have family nearby and our friends are also TTC reliant. It’s one thing to know “hey, I can’t go out because the TTC isn’t running”. It’s a whole other thing to realize you can't get home in the middle of the night.

Now, I must make a comment on behalf of the TTC. I know this is a union thing and I don’t want to see TTC employees abused. Verbal and physical assault should not be tolerated. When a TTC employee is injured on the job, I think it’s fair for them to get full pay while they are off work. And all the people who say that TTC employees should be “nicer” and provide unflinchingly cheerful service have obviously never worked with the public. As someone with more than a few years retail experience, I can tell you that employees are just people with the same problems you have, trying to put up with strangers who can be real jerks. Don’t think your metropass bought you indentured servants.

That being said, it has since come to light that the main issue behind the strike was job security for the maintenance staff. Well, here’s a news flash for the union members, everyone is losing their job security. At least TTC staff get good hourly wages, raises, benefits, and pensions. That’s a lot more than most people who rely on the TTC can say about their own employment. You may lose your job? Join the effing club. It’s a new global economy and everyone can be out sourced. We can’t expect any company to take care of us for the rest of our lives.

Finally (did I say this would be short? Sorry), the really sad thing about the strike is how it further damages the goodwill awarded to TTC employees for their service. Most people in Toronto want the TTC to be happy. We keep paying more for our fare. Even when the most drunk and disorderly of us are left stranded on a Friday night, we don’t riot or react violently. We’re mostly nice people but there’s only so much we’ll take. I’m not going to pretend I know all the issues currently plaguing the union negotiations but I do know that it’s time to make the TTC an essential service (and / or privatized). We’re a middle class city full of people who work hard. We just want to get home (and to Hot Docs screenings) safely and without paying more than we can afford. It shouldn't be an impossible, or conditional, request.

Kids + Money, Emoticons - Review

2008-04-23T12:09:00.019-04:00

Okay, I'm making up for lost time here. It's like an episode of Star Trek where the past will keep moving faster and faster until it finally meets with the present. And eventually I'll be writing about films before I've even watched them. And then the fabric of space and time will wrinkle and we'll have to send Data into the resulting wormhole. God's speed you lovable android!

That's not going to segue into the docs I'm talking about so.... here's some reviews!

Kids + Money
(USA, Directed by Lauren Greenfield)

This short film screened before Emoticons on an "all about teenagers" double bill. Much like its succinct title, it focuses mainly on wealthy 12 to 16 year olds in LA, and the way they spend their parent's money. This is a very rich (oh the puns!) and fertile ground for a documentary film. It strikes a definite chord with the audience, especially when you consider the average doc watcher is probably a working class hipster or socially conscious hippie. There is something wonderfully scandalous about a twelve year old owning a $3,000 book bag, and I think the audience really enjoyed their righteous indignation. The sheer materialistic lust exhibited by these rich young things would make Paris Hilton blush. Perhaps appearances have always meant the most to us during our teenage years, but Kids + Money gives us a peek at a much grander level of decadence and greed.

To counterbalance the rich kids, the film also profiles kids from middle class and economically depressed families. These kids are working to help their families survive, but they are not immune to the allure of wealth. In the interviews with one teenage boy in particular, sitting in the back yard of his run down apartment, the film says something almost profound. Here is a boy who is smart and driven, but focused almost entirely of maintaining an image of wealth. He lives a lie, and his envy of the truly wealthy taints everything he does. He would like to stop caring but says that "money really does make the world go round". There is an undeniable truth to that statement. It's easy to criticize kids for being materialistic, shallow, and easily influenced, but they are only following society's lead. Our whole economy is based on consumption and teenagers were practically invented by retailers.

Kids + Money was very enjoyable and quite thought provoking. I appreciated the simple visual style of the interviews and the tight editing. Director Lauren Greenfield let her subjects speak for themselves without interjecting her own views of consumer culture. It's up to us to change our values and the role money has in our children's lives. It's a simple message, but one that's easily forgotten. 4.5 out of 5

Emoticons
(Netherlands, Directed by Heddy Honigmann)

Emoticons is an hour long film that takes a look at how isolated teenage girls use the Internet. Social networking sites link girls who are bullied, misunderstood, depressed or ignored, so that they can communicate with each other. They play online games, chat, and use web cams to keep tabs on each other's lives. Some of the girls find real friends who give them the support they may lack at home or school. Others use the internet for autonomous advice and entertainment. In all cases, the internet provides an escape from difficult and sometimes painful reality.

Director Heddy Honigmann uses web cams to conduct her interviews, and this is my first criticism of the film. Not only is watching people on a computer visually boring, there is something almost creepy about Honigmann, a grown woman always partially in shadow, using chat rooms to coax her young subjects into telling us why they're lonely. The director has no malicious intent, but nonetheless it play a little close to the description of the internet predator we keep telling kids to beware. What if the director had been a man? Is it okay for teenagers to chat with each other but not, necessarily, to adults (or perhaps it is the absence of adults that sends teens to the internet in the first place)? To be fair, Honigmann also uses traditional in person interview techniques with her subjects, often giving us insight into the teen's social and family situations. In these segments, however, the cinematography remains flat and uninteresting.

The subjects of the film are varied in their particular situations but they share hardships any teenager could recognize. The desire for acceptance while feeling alienated and awkward are universal teenage experiences. The fact that now teens connect over the internet is a valid point, but not very surprising. I don't want to give the impression that I did not relate to some of these kids, or that I was insensitive to their problems. I was just too aware of what I was supposed to feel, with the film giving emotional cues as obvious as a tearful email and slow motion hug. Also, some subjects were forced through to not very satisfying conclusions, while other teens were dropped from the narrative without reason. In the end Emoticons felt as distant to me as, well, an internet chat room. 2.5 out of 5

Anvil! The Story of Anvil - Review

2008-04-22T15:03:00.012-04:00

There comes a time in any rock star/blogger's life when they must pick up the pieces of their battered music career/no career and continue to pursue their dreams. I'm a full six days late in starting my Hot Docs blog. The reasons for my tardiness run the gauntlet from "not enough time" to "too much work" to "I'll write a review after I finish this very important sudoku". But I will not give up. Like the metal band Anvil I will not be dissuaded by my age, unpopularity, and the obvious futility of my goals. I will fight another day. ROCK ON!

Anvil! The Story of Anvil
(Canada, Directed by Sacha Gervasi)

Hot Docs 2008 opened with a pair of films. One was the somber and very well reviewed "Air India 182" about the 1985 airplane bombing tragedy. The other was a film about a largely forgotten hard rock band from Toronto called "Anvil! The Story of Anvil". I choose to attend Anvil, because I'm the type of person who likes my opening night films underscored by wailing guitars. Under the strange dreamy ceiling of fake leaves and giant trees in the Winter Garden Theatre, a packed house laughed, cheered and even cried along with the true story of Anvil. Even if you never wanted to be a rock god, there is something quite touching in this story of every day dudes who never give up on their dreams. The guys in Anvil have jobs, but not careers. They refuse sensible hair cuts. They are making barely enough money to survive until their music takes off. And they've been doing this for over thirty years. Inadvisable? Yes. Inspirational? Surprisingly, yes.

Anvil centres around founding Anvil members Steve “Lips” Kudlow and Robb Reiner - best buddies since they were teenagers - and their odyssey to recapture the brief success Anvil enjoyed in the early 80s. The film opens with famous musicians like Slash and Lars Ulrich opining on the importance of Anvil to heavy metal, and theories on why the band never made it (Lars thinks it may be because of the whole "Canadian thing"). Cut to Toronto, present day, and the lads of Anvil have grown into greying delivery men and construction workers. They play gigs on weekends and continue to record albums, but the crowds to see them perform are neither numerous nor consistent. The band mates' long suffering families continue to support their loved ones, but Anvil's future is bleak. Hard rock is a young man's game, and Anvil's members are way past their marketable prime. Everything seems destined to finally, perhaps mercifully, decline until an email from a fan suggests the possibility of a European tour. With little to go on but a wing and a prayer, Anvil packs up their gear and heads to Europe.

Photo of rock's real deal? Or worst Crocs ad ever?

From this point on, the film is a roller coaster ride of huge expectations and crushing defeat. The European tour in particular is alternatively hilarious and heart breaking. Clashing egos, bad tour managers, skipped payments and empty venues test the band's mettle. Reconciliations, appreciative fans, and good rocking out give the band strength. Even when they are yelling and throwing tantrums, the members of Anvil are likable. Perhaps this is because we believe that they simply do not know better. Lips, especially, reminds me of a muppet - part Animal, part hoser - who remains eternally optimistic in the face of huge, crushing obstacles. Eventually the band records a new CD, and even rekindles a bit of the old fan support. Will Anvil succeed? Well, the story is still being written. At the screening I attended the band was there and they were quick to tell us we could buy a CD in the lobby.

Visually, the film is very well shot and the editing is strong. Concert footage features plenty of song snippets but thankfully cuts out much of the loudest head banging. The film's director, Sacha Gervasi, was actually a roadie with Anvil on one of their early tours. He obviously has affection for his film's subjects, but he never makes the uninitiated feel left out. This is not a geeky inside story that will only appeal to metal heads. The larger questions in the film - questions about personal fulfillment, fame, respect and selfish needs - can apply to anyone in any walk of life. We've all felt the desire to shake off our nine to five jobs and become the person we dreamed about when we were teenagers. To paraphrase The Big Lebowski, I'm glad Anvil is out there, rocking it out for the rest of us. 4 out of 5

** Extra name dropping bonus feature. Film critic and TV personality Geoff Pevere came into our office last week. We were chatting, Geoff and I, about the Hot Docs festival and he brought up Anvil. He was quite enthusiastic about the film, and made favourable comparisons to Spinal Tap (mocumentary, I know) and the Metallica doc "Some Kind of Monster". I think you can take it from me, Geoff Pevere's buddy, that he would also recommend you see this film.**

Killing me won’t bring back your Honey! Reflections on a Nicolas Cage Movie Night

2008-02-13T13:29:00.011-05:00

There are many stars in Hollywood. Some actors are emotional powerhouses that deliver poignant and affecting performances. Others send hearts aflutter with charm, charisma and good looks. Yet another actor is Nicolas Cage. Recently, we decided to dedicate an evening to the recent works of Mr. Cage with a triple bill of National Treasure, The Wicker Man, and Ghost Rider. When the lights went down we were hoping for a passable evening of entertainment. When the lights came up six hours later we emerged slightly bewildered but forever changed by the awesome appeal of this man and his ridiculous films. Here are some quick reviews...

National Treasure - In this fun adventure Nicholas Cage plays a suave (?) and brilliant (?!) history buff who is trying to prove his family’s good name, steal the Declaration of Independence, and also find a giant room stuffed with treasure. He woos a strangely Nordic girlfriend, mentors an improbably hot computer geek, and learns to accept weirdo dad Jon Voight. In other movies, the “treasure” sought at the beginning of the film would transform into a metaphor about the immaterial elements that give our lives meaning. Cage would start out trying to find a bunch of money, but would learn through a series of revelations that the real treasure is the love of his family, or learning to help others, or some crap like that. In this movie, the treasure is literally a giant room full of gold and Cage learns absolutely nothing. It's awesome.

Best Nicholas Cage Quote: I just really thought I was gonna find the treasure.
State of Nicholas Cage's Hair: Kind of mesmerising. Receding hairline present not only on the top of his head, but also above the ears. It's what I like to call the "lobotomy haircut".

Look over there! Treasure!

The Wicker Man: Oh, how I wanted to see this movie. I read a hilarious review on the Onion AV Club, and it really had me psyched. When I read that the plot basically devolves to Cage in a bear suit, running around and punching random women in the face, I realised I had to own a copy of this DVD for future prosperity. As with anything so anticipated, the actuality was a little disappointing. Sure, Nicolas Cage starts at an emotionally tense point and then becomes steadily, and hilariously, more agitated until he's just screaming every single one of his lines. Sure, there's a creepy island full of stoic women who practice a Goddess-centric religion that may or may not include human sacrifice. But personally, I felt there was too much build up of an incomprehensible plot, and too little kicking bar maids through walls. It is a weirdly entertaining movie. Not scary, but creepy. Not good, but almost so bad it's good... Okay, it's good.

The ladies of Summersisle don't want to bee friends. Get it? BEE?!

Best Nicolas Cage Quote: "How'd it get burned? How'd it get burned?! HOW'D IT GET BURNED, HOW'D IT GET BURNED, HOW'D IT GET BURNED?!" Also see the title of this article, the infamous "KILLING ME WON'T BRING BACK YOUR GODDAMNED HONEY!". This was followed in the film with "AAAAHHH! MY LEGS!! AAAHHHGGG!" Intrigued? Yeah, I know you are.
State of Nicolas Cage's Hair: I was too distracted by "THE BEES! OH GOD THEY'RE IN MY EYES!" to notice his hair.

Ghost Rider: Nicolas Cage is really in his crazy ass element in this comic book flick. He plays a guy who sold his soul to the devil when he was young and impossibly good looking. When the kid becomes older (and transforms into Cage), he becomes a flaming skull of justice - the Ghost Rider - who has to drive around the city on his hell spawn bike and use a chain lasso to capture escaped demons from hell who... oh, never mind. It's not really important. What's important is that Cage gave his character special quirky attributes like a love of the Carpenters (still creepy after all these years), and a penchant for eating jelly beans out of a martini glass. Now that there is some fancy character development. Bonus points also go for featuring Peter Fonda as the devil, and Sam Elliot as a grizzled cemetery caretaker. I love Sam Elliot but he really needs to keep up with the facial hair. He grows a beard up to his eyeballs.

Best Nicolas Cage Quote: He may have my soul, but he doesn't have my spirit.
State of Nicolas Cage's Hair: Pretty nice! The rug / weave / unholy alliance between forehead and bangs that Cage sports has a nice younger look. I have to say, I was impressed. Also, there's a scene where he's not wearing a shirt that must be noted because, honestly, the guy has muscles you never thought possible. Oh God. I'm crushing on Nicolas Cage.

So I think that's about all I want to write about Nicolas Cage. Ever. I would recommend all of these films, especially grouped together with home-made pizza, spirited drinks, and a desire to have a few good laughs. They are not necessarily good films, but they are entertaining. And sometimes that's all you want on a cold winter night.

For the Bible Tells Me So - Review

2008-01-11T15:47:00.000-05:00

On Wednesday I saw the Doc Soup screening of For the Bible Tells me So. Despite sitting on the extreme right and the extreme front (that was a packed house!), I enjoyed the film. If you're interested, FTBTMS is playing here in Toronto over the next few weeks at the Royal Cinema.

For the Bible Tells Me So
(USA, Directed by Daniel Karslake)

There is a chasm between the Christian church and homosexuality. The five American families profiled in For the Bible Tells me So attempt to bridge that gap and accept their own homosexual kin. It is a surprisingly respectful film that neither ignores nor ridicules the beliefs of many average Christians. It also expresses uncompromising condemnation of the intolerance, hatred, and violence spread by a literal (and distorted) reading of the Bible. Politics, history and science are introduced for consideration without the sometimes used sneer of an anti-religion “biased” film maker. In this way, director Daniel Karslake has made a thinking Christian’s film that challenges yet never discounts the faith.

Although rudimentary in his argument that the Bible has been interpreted incorrectly, Karslake does a good job of raising questions in his target Christian audience. Interviews with theologians and historians stress context in the interpretation of Bible study. Examination of the politics behind the church’s teachings effectively muddle long held doctrine. If you read that homosexuality is an abomination what does that word actually mean? Why are Christians told to adhere to one passage of the Bible yet completely ignore others? What do heterosexuals truly fear in homosexuality?

The film doesn't pull its emotional punches, especially in the interview of one woman who coolly admits to disowning her lesbian daughter and pushing her towards suicide. The mother eventually finds acceptance, but not before a long journey of education and prayer. There are other parents who never repent their beliefs but continue to struggle. Everyone speaks (and is allowed to speak) with honestly and emotion.

I really admired the wide scope of interviews used in the film. From families in heartland America, to people of God like openly gay Episcopal Bishop Gene Robinson, to public political figures like the Gephardt family, these are stories from real people facing a very modern religious conflict. I would say that they succeed beautifully in putting a face on loving, Christian families in America today.

Of course, a film with this subject matter is bound to cause controversy. Only a quick look at the internet discussion boards show that most people who care to comment about this film either hate homosexuals or hate religion. I suppose anyone so steeped in dogma and fear is unlikely to buy a ticket. It's a shame, and somewhat ironic, that prejudice will keep people from watching a film that refuses to scapegoat either religion or homosexuality, and in fact holds tolerance as its strongest message.

This is a somewhat sprawling, but still impactful film. It will be most resonant with Christians who need a primer on the evils of homophobia, but the film is accessible and thought provoking for others as well. It suffers from repetition and lack of visual flare, but has only a few misfires in terms of content . A short “humorous” cartoon about the biology of homosexuality, for instance, feels like it’s trying too hard to make science appetizing to conservatives. Uneven segments aside, For the Bible Tells Me So will stay with you and hopefully spark some very interesting discussions long after the credits roll. 4 out of 5.

I got pw0ned

2007-12-19T14:41:00.000-05:00

Last night I checked this site from my Wii browser. I found that instead of my rotating photo menu and witty witty words, my website was reduced to a blank green screen. Nothing was visible. I was hitting the site, but all was not right in Cassytown.

This morning I checked again in the hope that something I did not understand would correct itself, and my site would be restored. No such luck. Same green screen, same mysterious lack of anything not green. I checked the html source and found that along with my usual code, there was a large block of links hidden at the bottom of the page. They were clumped together, just sitting there looking at me with ugly, beady eyes.

Shock. Horror. Someone had hacked my site.

My site. My little site that gets 10,000 hits a month*. Why on God's green internet would you hack my site? These are dark times indeed. I know other people get spammed, and hacked, but this is my website. I still feel violated, like someone was touching my code.

I thought briefly that maybe Billy Mitchell had read my review of King of Kong, didn't take kindly to the cracks about his hair, and decided to use his awesome geek powers to shut me down. That would be kind of cool, actually. "Midnight Herring: We really pissed off Billy Mitchell! Bookmark us today!". But no. It is only a dream to think I could have that effect on such a giant of videogames and hot sauce. My hacker was probably just a regular old spam bot that found a new sucker with a blog.

So to conclude what is, sadly, the most excitement my little page has ever seen, I am now in the process of contacting my server and rebooting the site. Will I be shut down again? Maybe it's not a hacker - maybe it's THE MAN and I've stumbled upon some secret about... movies or Nintendo... that he doesn't want you to know. Trust no one. The truth is out there.

Peace out for now. I'm gonna be back and bigger than ever in 2008. No amount of hacking can keep me down! Unless of course they change my password. Then I'm screwed.

Merry Christmas! Happy holidays everyone!

*I know, I was as shocked as you to find my hits were that high. One day maybe I can say with certainty that at least 50 people read my blog intentionally instead of landing on my site after a search for late night fishing. Live the dream Cassandra! Live the dream!

The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters Review

2007-12-11T15:09:00.000-05:00

All right, so I have two, well, actually three documentaries that I've seen recently that I should review. I saw the first almost two months ago, and I've had very good intentions to finish the review ever since. But it's Christmas time and I'm giddy with Yuletide glee, so I'm going to skip those other docs and review the best one first. The awesome one. The one that makes me think reindeer can fly and elves can be dentists. I'm reviewing King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters.

The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters
(USA, Directed by Seth Gordon)

King of Kong is the kind of documentary that most people will enjoy, a select few will find pointless, and some will absolutely love with the devotion of a plumber out to save his princess from a rampaging, barrel throwing ape. It centres around two men and the classic 1981 arcade game, Donkey Kong. One of the men is reigning Donkey Kong champ, entrepreneur, and feathered hair aficionado Billy Mitchell. The other is all around nice guy, family man and dedicated competitor Steve Wiebe whose arcade skillz threaten to usurp the DK crown. Watching from the sidelines at arcade tournaments across America are a host of nerdy, OCD riddled video game champs. Billy is their king, but Steve is winning over the crowd. One has novelty neckties while the other teaches high school science. They are both men who place a inordinate amount of self esteem into being the one, true, Donkey Kong champion.

So begins, and ends, the surface plot of King of Kong. It's about the men who compete to master a video game most kids today can only reference in association with MarioKart. It's about many grown men (and at least one plucky woman) who meet in huddled, underground and (one can only guess), slightly stinky arcades to beat their chests and prove who has the biggest joystick. In short, a few people may find the documentary trite, and the subjects pathetic. Those people need to lighten up and embrace the geek within. There is so much humour, humility, and honest emotion in this film it is almost impossible not to be drawn into the battle.

Things Billy Mitchell Enjoys: hot sauce, dark and lustrous hair, kicking your ass at any video game from the 80s
Billy is a classic alpha nerd. He won moderate fame, fortune, and a wife with very large breasts by spending thousands of hours making Pac Man eat dots. He used his early reputation as the supreme arcade champ to build a hot sauce and restaurant business. His ego is huge, ridiculous, and completely intact until Steve sends in a tape of him beating the world DK high score on a console he keeps in his garage. Following this believed impossible act, Billy descends into refusal, avoidance, and (possibly) cheating to preserve his reputation. Steve, on the other hand, is battling his own demons of unfulfilled potential, latent obsessive tendencies and a family who loves him but wishes he would just come out of the garage more often. It's easy to say Billy is the villain and Steve is the hero, but there is only one hero in Donkey Kong; Mario. And, to a lesser extent, the Princess. Where was I going with this? I forget.

My point is that King of Kong has all the elements of a classic story of epic struggle, and so makes for a fascinating film even if you've never played a video game in your life. There is the complex psyches of the warriors, the mix of awe, jealousy and resentment from the lesser competitors, the politics of the referee who must decide the victor, and the heartbreak of disappointment when dreams fall short. I cried with Steve when he was denied his initial high score, and I know I'm not the only person in that theatre who shed tears. I laughed many, many, many times and I am definitely not alone in that camp either. King of Kong, so help me, will make you actually care about video games and the people who play them.

You have to admit, the kid's got game. Referee Walter Day checks out Steve's progress with the barrels and the fireballs and the angry, angry monkey.
Director Seth Gordon is unobtrusive but complete in his footage. There is a particularly nice segment detailing Steve's compulsions from drumming, to football, to making detailed diagrams of DK stages. It is one of the most illustrative representations of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder I've ever seen. And the musical score is ironic, hilarious, and dead on cue. When you hear Leonard Cohen start to growl about how everybody knows the good guys lost, you will be amazed by how well it fits this film. The plot is on the sprawling side, and the editing suffers with a few loose threads of promising gamers who never get to finish their story. There is also the problem of the coda to the film being printed words instead of actual footage an invested audience would love to see. Still, even with these problems I'm giving The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters 5 out of 5. It should really be a 4.5, but I'm a complete nerd so I'm giving it some extra love.

More Human than Human

2007-11-19T13:03:00.000-05:00

If I were any good at blogging, I would have posted this last week. However, there is still time to catch the final, final, THIS TIME WE MEAN FINAL cut of Blade Runner here in Toronto at the Regent Theatre. This is, (as far as I can tell) the only chance to see the remastered cut on the big screen in Canada. I saw it last weekend and it kicked ass. It kicked replicant ass. The picture quality was amazing, and the score totally blew me away. The Regent is a single screen theatre so they can really crank the sound. Also, I give the whole experience bonus points because I saw Atom Egoyan coming out of the early show.

So go to the Regent (on Mount Plesant near Davisville) before Blade Runner leaves this Friday. I would give a review of the film, but most of you know the film and if you're a fan you will not be disappointed. I'll also say that this review is exactly the opposite of how I feel. In this review (posted in a national paper no less) the reviewer is under the impression that only meta nerds will want to see Blade Runner's final cut. He also thinks that experiencing Blade Runner "ironically" is best, because God forbid you try to stretch your mind a bit and see it as having a message beyond "hey, look at the gay android in the rain, heh, heh".

Visions of a future dystopian society? There's a Visine for that.
If you do decide to go, please note that it's not a good idea to bring your ten year old to see Blade Runner. It's a heavy movie, and I got pretty tired of hearing the kid in front of me ask his dad "is he dead?" every ten minutes during the screening. Seriously dude. Leave the kid at home next time.

Um, should we be scared by this?

2007-10-17T14:39:00.000-04:00

I'm not trying to turn this into a political blog. I get enough politics watching and writing about documentaries. I'd prefer to discuss books, video games and spooky old movies starring Vincent Price AND Peter Cushing ("MADHOUSE" in case you're interested, and believe me, you are interested). Still, there are times when I read the newspaper and something strikes me as so politically cra-zay I need to write my thoughts down to you, an audience of at least eleven people. Here I go, and please try not to let my eloquence forever sway your opinion of certain Canadian politicians.

Prime Minister Stephen Harper has been working for months on a brand new, top-secret media building to be built on the site of a former shoe shop. At the cost of 2 million dollars, the facility would be completely government controlled, allowing Harper's staff to choose which reporters are allowed in, what topics they may discuss, and possibly whether they are to address him as "Mr. Prime Minister" or "Senior Overlord Fantastico". The endeavour is called The Shoe Store Project because Operation Press can Suck It was a bit too obvious.

Everyone knows that Harper has a beef with the press, and indeed he's avoided much contact with them so far. Well, maybe those pesky Ottawa reporters had it coming and maybe the current National Press Theatre was getting outdated and had awful shag carpeting or something. I still don't think that's an excuse to go all evil genius on the Canadian people and start building your own media compound. The documents on the proposed facility state a desire to "put in place robust physical and information security measures to protect the prime minister and cabinet". Here's an artistic rendition of what I think The Shoe Store Project may look like, if it indeed ever sees the light of day:

Originally I was going to have Harper exploding out of the building like Godzilla, pulling trees out of the ground and breathing fire. Then I realised he's my Prime Minister and deserves better treatment. Also, I can't draw worth corn.
Oh my God what a chilling vision of the future! Look at that grey brick work, moat, and guards shooting freaking laser beams at innocent citizens. That, my friends, is what I call subtle political satire. If you gave me ten minutes before dinner and a package of pencil crayons I could hardly produce something more evocative and moving.

Is The Shoe Store Project going to become a reality? Well, since the Toronto Star uncovered the story, the Harper government has been quick to say that it was all just a bunch of silly research and will not be completed. We'll see. I think it's a very interesting little story to follow, and I hope you enjoyed my completely biased and half baked opinion on this subject. If you disagree with me, good for you! Post your comments. Unlike in Harper's shoe shop, I value freedom of speech in all its forms.

Doc Soup Heats Up

2007-10-01T13:36:00.000-04:00

Alternate titles for the post:

Grab a Spoon and some Righteous Indignation - Doc Soup is On!

Doc Soup: Now with 20% more vitamin TRUTH.

Eh, I amuse myself at least. My point is that the Doc Soup 2007 season begins October 3rd and it's not too late to buy a subscription. I think the Doc Soup / Hot Docs combo is one of the best movie deals in town; 7 Doc Soup screenings plus your choice of 10 Hot Docs screenings for only $140 plus tax. That's six dollars a ticket or something. What am I, a calculator? All I know is that it's a lot cheaper than going to TIFF or even seeing a regular Hollywood movie. Plus, only Doc Soup makes the long, cold winter even more depressing with monthly screenings about people throwing themselves off bridges, or (spot the theme!) joining a cult and commiting mass suicide.

I love docs, but when February (that darkest and bleakest of months) arrives, is it so difficult to screen a documentary about kittens running through meadows? Maybe a feature about happy people playing ukelales? This year's Doc Soup kicks off with the "inside story" about the American occupation in Iraq. The film is called No End in Sight, so, you know, I'm expecting a barrel of laughs.

I kid, I kid. I really do look forward to Doc Soup every year and I'm sure this first feature will give me plenty to reflect on and cry about next time I get depressed about the state of the world. Okay, I'm still kidding. Depression is a comedy goldmine! I've heard some really good things about No End in Sight, and I will share my thoughts about the film very soon.

Check out the Doc Soup website to find info on buying single tickets, or passes for the whole Doc Soup season.

Arrr Mateys! Ahoy there!... and such

2007-09-19T19:28:00.000-04:00

September 19th is not just the day before I finally get my hair cut. Today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. You read that right. Nerds who desperately want a pirate's life of scurvy, and sailing from flea infested harbour to herpes infested wench now have their own magical day. So there you go. What's next? Smurf Appreciation Week? Ninja Day? According to Wikipedia, Ninja Day already exists. It’s creators were inspired by ITLAPD. And that, my friends, is why the internet will truly be the death of us all.

Making fun of people who love pirates is like picking on people who think they are vampires. At first it's easy to ridicule these outcasts with their strange talking, dressing, rum/blood drinking habits. Soon, however, you begin to feel bad because you realize how close you are to your prey. We are all part of the greater nerd hierarchy and we all have a place. One nerd's sword collection is another nerd's goth poetry. Can't we all be socially awkward together?

So instead of taunts, today I am offering an olive branch and snappy eye patch to pirates everywhere. I'm going to talk like a pirate - at least at home with my cat. In fact, I'm renaming Oscar "Ye Old Scurvy Land Rat" until tomorrow. Pirates are pretty cool, at least the movie ones that wear outrageous hats and spend pieces of eight. Also, the people who created this day were featured in a truly awesome episode of Wife Swap (your new husband thinks he's a pirate! Good luck getting him to pay the phone bill!). In celebration of... ugh... pirattitude...I offer my favourite pirate things. Enjoy them with loved ones. Unless your loved ones are normal people. Then ditch that boring family, because it's pirate day matey!

Cassandra’s List of Pirate Treasures! (get it?!)
1 - Parrots on your shoulder! Did the birds poop on the pirates? Did the pirates even care?

2 - The pirate simulation game Tropico 2. A friend gave it to me based on a brief conversation and a general feeling that I would like to spend hours pretending I'm a pirate. He was right! I love this game.

3 - The sailor / pirate on Family Guy who has two peg legs and two peg arms. That guy is hard core.

4 - The Styrofoam pirate hat my pal Stephanie made during dinner one night at our University cafeteria. It was an inverted soup bowl with a skull drawn on it. She’s no Martha Stewart but that hat was the cat's meow. Or the pirate’s' wench.

5 - Three words: Captain Freaking Blood. Oh my God. Errol Flynn IS Captain Blood. The original posters proclaimed "6 feet 4 of fighting manhood!", and they were so SO right. This is the best pirate movie ever. It has horrible French accents, sword fights, booty, and just a dash of slavery.

Captain Blood is good, but Captain Levasseur is OUTRAGEOUSLY French!
6 - The band Ghost Pirates Without Heads. That name totally says "I wear horn rimmed glasses and Green Latern tee-shirts ironically. Here's a song I wrote about watching TV, which I also do ironically."

7 - The trailers for the Pirates of the Caribbean movies that just said "PIRATES!" over and over again until I had to laugh and clap my hands like a happy monkey.

8 - Pirate monkeys... Okay, now I'm just doing word association.

Enjoy this stupid day nerds! Arrr!

TTC, ya you know me.

2007-09-12T15:47:00.000-04:00

Today was supposed to be relatively quiet in the office, and between registering patients I was going to research the recent TTC (Toronto Transit Commission) funding crisis and write an informed, opinionated piece on this worthy subject. Once I sat down at work, however, fate took a hand and the phone began ringing off the hook with people who wanted to know where their contact lenses were, why I was booking so far ahead, and if I thought it was fair that OHIP no longer covered eye exams. The afternoon culminated in a surprise almost appointment with diva chanteuse Sarah Brightman. Unfortunately, her handlers "couldn't find her" (damn you phantom! Leave that woman alone!) and I was left to imagine what witty things I would have said to the woman who married the man who brought us Cats. I have "I Lost My Heart To A Starship Trooper" on my iPod, so a cleaver Hot Gossip reference could have at least started the conversation.

In a perfect world, this would have been the theme song for the Paul Verhoeven film Starship Troopers. Am I right people? Eh? Eh?!...
Whoo hoo! Bugs!
At the end of my slightly surreal day I had no energy nor time left to research my piece. Then I remembered - hey! This is the internet! No one researches, or in my case reads, what I write anyway. This is a blog. I could say Britney Spears owns sixteen cats and named them all after snack cakes and no one would care. It's the wild west and anything goes baby! So here's what I think about the TTC funding crisis, based mostly on thirty second CP24 updates, and heavily influenced by last nights Family Guy episode where Peter gets hired by the news to do a nightly segment called "You Know What Really Grinds my Gears". Enjoy.

You know what really grinds my gears?! The TTC. Hey, don't get me wrong, I use the TTC. I use it every day and whether it's getting up to let old people have my seat, or MINDING THE GAP that could (presumably) swallow me whole, I am a pretty considerate transit rider. I take the subway, the bus and the streetcar. I read the free newspaper and then when I'm done I carry it out and recycle that bad boy like a good citizen. Don't tell me I don't know transit.

So the TTC is freaking out yet again about funding. Not enough money. Never mind that the TTC is more popular than ever, there's still not enough money to keep the rockets rolling. Mayor Miller's land transfer tax was shut down and now the only other option (apparently) is to cancel bus lines, route extensions, and shut down an entire arm of the subway. The new Sheppard line to be exact. The part of the subway they just paid billions of dollars to dig out and build less than ten years ago. Brilliant.

If they close the Sheppard line, how are the good people of Toronto supposed to get to IKEA? Won't somebody think of the children?!
But here's the part that really ... um... cranks my stereo. All this commotion and fear mongering is really a political ploy to get provincial leaders now running for the fall election to promise Toronto more funding. Libraries and community centres are closing on off days for the same reason. Now I'm not saying we don't need the money. I'm saying where the hell did the money go, and what are our options? Mayor Miller's strong arm tactics to get his tax plan accepted does little to explain why we're in this mess to begin with. I know the funding crisis is not entirely his fault, and I know Toronto has been in the red for years, but I feel a little too manipulated by political forces who are quick to point the finger at each other while leaving the public in the dark. And without library books.

But back to the TTC. The icing on this whole messy cake is the stance taken by TTC officials that the reason we are going to get even more over crowded bus rides home (otherwise known as "the groping hour"), and fewer convenient stops is because we, the paying public, bought too many monthly passes when we should be buying single fares. That's right. We're to blame for the funding problems because of our blasted basic math skills. Do you know that a single ride on the TTC costs $2.75? Round trip is over five bucks. A monthly pass is still just under $100. It's not a huge savings, but for regular commuters the deal is obvious. The TTC has increased fares multiple times since I moved to Toronto five years ago. We keep paying and rider ship keeps increasing. Instead of the customer is always right, the TTC seems to think the customer is the only reason why they can't make a decent profit.

So, to summarise, the faulty logic of the TTC is to cut routes, schedules and service. Thus, commuters get longer wait times, crowded trains, and less convenience for a price that is more expensive than other cities of similar size. This leads to fewer commuters on the TTC, and more cars congesting our roads and air. OR, and here's the wacky idea from a kid with no economics background at all, the TTC could keep all services, expand routes that are in desperate need, and charge more for a monthly pass. The TTC just finished a survey of users and found most people wanted a fare increase over decreased service. We're asking to pay more so that we can keep using the TTC. Take advantage of our good will!

In summary of the summary: TTC should charge more and get more money from provincial powers without cutting service, and Mayor Miller should back off with his land transfer tax and start giving the people of Toronto other options. Or just instigate the damn tax if you really want. I rent an apartment so I won't even have to pay the tax. I'm too poor to own a house in this city, what with the cost of daily transit.

Also in summation - Starship Troopers is an awesome movie and should be seen by everyone.
And that's what really grinds my gears.

The Eyes of Tammy Faye Review

2007-08-22T16:30:00.000-04:00

Oh dear. It has been a very long time since I wrote a review. This was supposed to be a topical review to tie in with the death of Tammy Faye Messner, who passed after to a long battle with cancer on July 20th. I was sad to hear Tammy Faye had died but I wasn't sure why I cared. Would I miss her camp appeal? Her appearances on The Surreal Life? I didn't know much about her ministry with Jim Bakker, but I knew she was at the centre of the controversy that painted televangelists as greedy and corrupt scam artists. Was Frank Zappa right? Did Jesus think Tammy Faye was a jerk? With so many vague impressions of Tammy Faye in my head, I figured the best idea was to rent the 2000 documentary "The Eyes of Tammy Faye".

The Eyes of Tammy Faye
(USA, Directed by Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato)

Tammy Faye was many things to many people. Starting life as a country girl, she married Jim Bakker and worked incredibly hard to bring their brand of cheery Christianity to the masses. She rose to the heights of fame, influence and hero worship, then fell the great distance to laughing stock. She wore too much make up and talked in a falsetto voice. She was a distant mother who became addicted to pain killers. Eventually, she found redemption in a second marriage, the acceptance of her new fans, and a calculated return to the spotlight. Was Tammy Faye everything she appeared to be? Was it an act or was she, at the heart, who we saw on TV?

The Eyes of Tammy Faye premiered at the Sundance Film Festival in 2000 to a widely enthusiastic response. At the time, the defunct position on Tammy Faye (and indeed most millionaire evangelists), was disgust and a desire for sweet, vengeful comeuppance. All of Tammy Faye's mascara coloured tears could not sway popular opinion that she deserved humiliation, yet many people changed their minds after seeing this film. The documentary presents Tammy Faye as a big hearted, emotional, and at worst naive woman. She is extravagant and self centred, but also honest in her desire to embrace everyone in true Christian fellowship. Specifically, filmmakers Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato present Tammy Faye as a defender of the homosexual community. As a very early advocate for AIDS awareness, Tammy Faye embraced HIV positive patients when very few (inside or outside the evangelical world) would do so. Drag queen extrodinarre Rupaul narrates the film, emphasising the correlation the directors wanted to stress between Tammy Faye and her adoring, and now largely homosexual, fan base.

Tammy Faye herself appears unwaveringly strong in her convictions. She really does want you to know that God loves you. Her ability to look directly in the camera and simply emote is quite mesmerising. In older footage from her shows with Jim Bakker, Tammy Faye weeps and sings and praises the Lord for hours a day and you cannot help but be impressed with her showmanship. With the exception of some funny scenes where she's hepped up on painkillers and wandering off set, Tammy Faye gave her audience everything she had to give. Off set, and in the confines of her present day home, she presents the same larger than life persona. The voice, the clothes, the mascara - everything is the same. The directors are keen to push the camp value of their subject, whither its her collection of creepy (and omnipresent) dolls, to her expansive makeup bag. Tammy Faye as spectacle is completely entwined with Tammy Faye as person. If it was all an act I doubt even Tammy Faye could tell the difference anymore.

The Eyes of Tammy Faye is an example of a mass appeal documentary. The puppets that present different acts in Tammy Faye's life are clever but outstay their welcome. Repetition and heavy use of source footage also give the film a somewhat amateur effect. I found the sequence of Tammy Faye at the huge, and completely deserted, Heritage USA theme park to be some of the most effective scenes in the film. I had no idea the Bakkers had built, and lost, so much. It is positively eerie to see where pride and money can lead. I wished the film had spent more time here than on yet another scene of Tammy Faye's long red fingernails typing out a letter. Perhaps I cannot criticise the film for not following my personal interests, but it felt like The Eyes of Tammy Faye shunned higher discourse for campy thrills. Ultimately, the film proves to be as colourful, but about as deep, as Tammy Faye's makeup.
3.5 out of 5.

** You can check out photographs of Heritage USA past, present and possibly future at this site.

Is this the greatest magazine cover ever?

2007-07-30T09:58:00.000-04:00

My answer is yes.

There I was at the 7-11 with my Slurpee (or as it is now delightfully labeled, my Squishee), when Anson plopped this magazine down in front of me. I looked at it for a second before understanding the glorious image before my eyes.

Martha. Orange. Wii Cake. Martha icing a Wii Cake. Oh my God.

I didn't even know that this was the very thing I wanted, no, needed to see. It's like some part of my brain had this image already composed, and it had been plucked out and printed just to make me happy. I bought the magazine on the merits of this cover alone. I didn't really need to know how to bake a Wii cake, or how to email like a pro (do I email like a noob?), I just needed to own this image. And frame it. And love it.

Thank you Wired. What will you delight me with next issue? Nathan Fillion with a collection of Pez dispensers? Custom Miis based on Star Trek TNG characters? The possibilities are endless.

A Tribute to Honest Ed

2007-07-11T13:38:00.000-04:00

Honest Ed Mirvish passed away yesterday morning at the age of 92. He left a wife and son, a rejuvenated theatre district, a huge discount store that lights up Bathurst, and a legacy of giving out free turkeys at Christmas. I'm going to miss Honest Ed.

It's hard to know what to say about Ed that won't be said in the news anyway. He worked his way up from scratch and didn't let early failures dissuade him. He saved and rebuilt the theatre district in Toronto. He pioneered the "loss leader" merchandise, and his store sold those awesome, slightly warped Elvis busts you used to see everywhere. He was generous, and humble, and gave everyone free cake at his birthday party. He was a ballroom dancer, and he stayed married to his true love for 65 years.

Most of all, Ed wanted people to be happy. He made lots of money, sure, but he let us enjoy the success with him. He sold two for one tickets to his theatre shows on mother's day. He built affordable restaurants to give families a complete "night out" when they went to see a show. His huge discount store is not only the place to find marked down tupperware and strange, exotic canned goods; it also houses piles of slightly demented porcelain dogs, and groan-out-loud slogans like "Honest Ed is for the Birds! He's CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP!" How can you shop in Honest Ed's and not have fun?

A few years ago I attended Ed's birthday party with my husband. The day was hot, and the crowds were huge along the closed streets. Although the atmosphere could have bred impatient words and disgruntled families, everywhere I looked people were smiling and happy. We waited half an hour for a free hot dog but it was fun! Kids were running around with balloons, and a live band kept our feet tapping. I saw people from many different cultures that day, and heard snippets from dozens of different languages. Everyone was invited to share the joy of Ed’s carefree street party. Ed arrived and we sang him happy birthday. He was so warm and gracious even at his advanced age and under the hot sun. He was the perfect host and made us all feel like welcome friends. I wish I had a chance to meet him personally, but I feel like I knew him anyway.

Ed was a character and a true eccentric. We don't get many of them, and I'm grateful he made Toronto his home. He will be missed but not forgotten.

Nintendo and Kidman - Together at Last!

2007-06-27T09:12:00.000-04:00

I'm interested in gaming culture, and Nintendo in particular. Ever since the first NES (which I had after the Atari 2600 - yes I'm that old), Nintendo has been the only game system I've really played. Recently, the marketing for the Wii has proven very effective in attracting non-gamers by focusing on intuitive gameplay the whole family can enjoy together. Now Nintendo is focusing their brand of non-offensive fun on the upscale, wealthy and plastic looking housewives market. Between pilates class and picking your kid up from Mandarin lessons, why not pencil in some time to exercise your brain? Enter Nicole Kidman with her glowing porcelain skin and immaculate white home, to demonstrate the DS and the "Brain Training" series of games:

Doesn't that look like fun? She may resemble a Stepford wife (and act like one complete with head-smacking cutesy gestures) but Nicole sure does classy up the DS. Now it's an intellectual tool and not just that thing you give to the kids on long car trips to make them shut up. This new, polished, and oh-so-dignified gamer is much more attractive than the grubby ten year olds and single dudes game companies used to court. Bravo, Nintendo, for honing in on the female market as well. Us girl gamers have been playing since the beginning, but few companies have recognised the huge profit potential in piquing our interest.

So does this mean I'll be buying a DS? Probably not. I don't feel wealthy or European enough to relate to the Nicole Kidman / Nintendo fantasy. Besides, Nintendo had me from Mario. I might try the equivalent game on the Wii, but for handheld fun I’ll stick to my Limited Edition Retro Designed Gameboy Advance SP. Yeah, you read that right. It looks like an original NES controller and plays classics like Excitebike and Pinball. I keep it in a Spongebob Squarepants protective case. Jealous yet? Don’t worry. It’s never too late to join the cool kids on the Nintendo side of the street.