Ever hear of this Joss Whedon guy?

So I am simultaneously proving and disproving my geek cred by recommending a podcast by Joss Whedon. If you are a true geek, you've been following his series Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog since it debuted on July 15th. If you're not a geek than you are very lost and have stumbled upon a site dedicated to documentaries, video games, and, to a lesser extent, pez dispensers. So I'm guessing you're not even reading this sentence and have already scuttled off to something cool like a blog dedicated to celebrity gossip or a tattoo enthusiast bulletin board.

For those of you still here (hey thanks!), I am extending a hearty endorsement of Joss Wheadon and his low budget enterprise. Right now DHSAB is a video series available for download on iTunes. It costs a few bucks per 12 to 15 minute episode and there are three episodes in total. Here's the important-so-I'm-using-bold part: the series is only available on iTunes until July 29. After that, it'll be pulled to build interest in the forthcoming DVD. I'd recommend you download the series and buy the DVD, because the DVD is going to have plenty of cra-zay extras like a musical commentary track. What? Exactly.



The series stars Neil Patrick Harris, Felicia Day and Nathan Fillion. The script is intentionally campy and fun, with the winning mix of drama and sarcastic humour that made Whedon's other shows cult classics. Also, it's a freaking musical, and the actors do an amazing job with some really good, catchy material.

So will Dr. Horrible win the girl of his dreams? Will Bad Horse (the Thoroughbred of Sin) accept his application to the Evil League of Evil? Will Nathan Fillion flex his muscles in that tight little T-shirt? The only way to find out is to watch...

Killing me won’t bring back your Honey! Reflections on a Nicolas Cage Movie Night

There are many stars in Hollywood. Some actors are emotional powerhouses that deliver poignant and affecting performances. Others send hearts aflutter with charm, charisma and good looks. Yet another actor is Nicolas Cage. Recently, we decided to dedicate an evening to the recent works of Mr. Cage with a triple bill of National Treasure, The Wicker Man, and Ghost Rider. When the lights went down we were hoping for a passable evening of entertainment. When the lights came up six hours later we emerged slightly bewildered but forever changed by the awesome appeal of this man and his ridiculous films. Here are some quick reviews...

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National Treasure - In this fun adventure Nicholas Cage plays a suave (?) and brilliant (?!) history buff who is trying to prove his family’s good name, steal the Declaration of Independence, and also find a giant room stuffed with treasure. He woos a strangely Nordic girlfriend, mentors an improbably hot computer geek, and learns to accept weirdo dad Jon Voight. In other movies, the “treasure” sought at the beginning of the film would transform into a metaphor about the immaterial elements that give our lives meaning. Cage would start out trying to find a bunch of money, but would learn through a series of revelations that the real treasure is the love of his family, or learning to help others, or some crap like that. In this movie, the treasure is literally a giant room full of gold and Cage learns absolutely nothing. It's awesome.


Best Nicholas Cage Quote: I just really thought I was gonna find the treasure.
State of Nicholas Cage's Hair: Kind of mesmerising. Receding hairline present not only on the top of his head, but also above the ears. It's what I like to call the "lobotomy haircut".

Look over there! Treasure!

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The Wicker Man: Oh, how I wanted to see this movie. I read a hilarious review on the Onion AV Club, and it really had me psyched. When I read that the plot basically devolves to Cage in a bear suit, running around and punching random women in the face, I realised I had to own a copy of this DVD for future prosperity. As with anything so anticipated, the actuality was a little disappointing. Sure, Nicolas Cage starts at an emotionally tense point and then becomes steadily, and hilariously, more agitated until he's just screaming every single one of his lines. Sure, there's a creepy island full of stoic women who practice a Goddess-centric religion that may or may not include human sacrifice. But personally, I felt there was too much build up of an incomprehensible plot, and too little kicking bar maids through walls. It is a weirdly entertaining movie. Not scary, but creepy. Not good, but almost so bad it's good... Okay, it's good.

The ladies of Summersisle don't want to bee friends. Get it? BEE?!

Best Nicolas Cage Quote: "How'd it get burned? How'd it get burned?! HOW'D IT GET BURNED, HOW'D IT GET BURNED, HOW'D IT GET BURNED?!" Also see the title of this article, the infamous "KILLING ME WON'T BRING BACK YOUR GODDAMNED HONEY!". This was followed in the film with "AAAAHHH! MY LEGS!! AAAHHHGGG!" Intrigued? Yeah, I know you are.
State of Nicolas Cage's Hair: I was too distracted by "THE BEES! OH GOD THEY'RE IN MY EYES!" to notice his hair.

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Ghost Rider: Nicolas Cage is really in his crazy ass element in this comic book flick. He plays a guy who sold his soul to the devil when he was young and impossibly good looking. When the kid becomes older (and transforms into Cage), he becomes a flaming skull of justice - the Ghost Rider - who has to drive around the city on his hell spawn bike and use a chain lasso to capture escaped demons from hell who... oh, never mind. It's not really important. What's important is that Cage gave his character special quirky attributes like a love of the Carpenters (still creepy after all these years), and a penchant for eating jelly beans out of a martini glass. Now that there is some fancy character development. Bonus points also go for featuring Peter Fonda as the devil, and Sam Elliot as a grizzled cemetery caretaker. I love Sam Elliot but he really needs to keep up with the facial hair. He grows a beard up to his eyeballs.



Best Nicolas Cage Quote: He may have my soul, but he doesn't have my spirit.
State of Nicolas Cage's Hair: Pretty nice! The rug / weave / unholy alliance between forehead and bangs that Cage sports has a nice younger look. I have to say, I was impressed. Also, there's a scene where he's not wearing a shirt that must be noted because, honestly, the guy has muscles you never thought possible. Oh God. I'm crushing on Nicolas Cage.

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So I think that's about all I want to write about Nicolas Cage. Ever. I would recommend all of these films, especially grouped together with home-made pizza, spirited drinks, and a desire to have a few good laughs. They are not necessarily good films, but they are entertaining. And sometimes that's all you want on a cold winter night.

More Human than Human

If I were any good at blogging, I would have posted this last week. However, there is still time to catch the final, final, THIS TIME WE MEAN FINAL cut of Blade Runner here in Toronto at the Regent Theatre. This is, (as far as I can tell) the only chance to see the remastered cut on the big screen in Canada. I saw it last weekend and it kicked ass. It kicked replicant ass. The picture quality was amazing, and the score totally blew me away. The Regent is a single screen theatre so they can really crank the sound. Also, I give the whole experience bonus points because I saw Atom Egoyan coming out of the early show.

So go to the Regent (on Mount Plesant near Davisville) before Blade Runner leaves this Friday. I would give a review of the film, but most of you know the film and if you're a fan you will not be disappointed. I'll also say that this review is exactly the opposite of how I feel. In this review (posted in a national paper no less) the reviewer is under the impression that only meta nerds will want to see Blade Runner's final cut. He also thinks that experiencing Blade Runner "ironically" is best, because God forbid you try to stretch your mind a bit and see it as having a message beyond "hey, look at the gay android in the rain, heh, heh".

Visions of a future dystopian society? There's a Visine for that.
If you do decide to go, please note that it's not a good idea to bring your ten year old to see Blade Runner. It's a heavy movie, and I got pretty tired of hearing the kid in front of me ask his dad "is he dead?" every ten minutes during the screening. Seriously dude. Leave the kid at home next time.

A Bit of the Old Ultra Violence: My Thoughts on 300

It’s a departure for me to talk about a fictional film, especially when I have an excellent documentary to review, but I feel 300 has sparked too much conversation to ignore. Since its huge opening last weekend people all over the internet are rising up against this fantastical, highly violent tale. I’m not going to review the plot (what’s to say? 300 Spartans hold off thousands of Persians between a rock and a hard place), but I feel compelled to give my impressions. I was eagerly anticipating this movie when I saw it with a bunch of hyped up fanboys on opening night. I was not disappointed.

First off let me say that yes, it is not a good idea to bring your child to see 300. Do not let your adolescent or even young teenager see 300. That R rating comes with solid reason. The film is very graphically brutal and offers an unapologetic pro-war and pro-violence stance. The audience is meant to cheer on the Spartan soldiers and relish their every decapitation and spear impalement. This is a morally ambiguous film in the vein of Clockwork Orange or Sin City. We know the men on screen are brutal monsters, but oh such fun watching them kill! These films expect a certain amount of age and maturity from their audience. 300 also puts all the violence squarely in another time, another place, and a completely computer fabricated world. It’s sort of like an anime, expect the fifteen year old girl has been replaced with King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) and his hoard of sexy, nearly naked men... I believe I’ve stumbled upon why I liked this film so much more than anime.

Rupaul, I mean Xerxes, attempts to seduce King Leonidas with his massage skills and superfluous face piercings

The film has sparked a plethora of theories about its deeper meanings. One of the most quoted is that 300 is actually an allegory for the American war in Iraq. I admit it’s fun to extrapolate a film’s plot to modern events, but why must this be a literal translation of America? Who are the Americans anyway - the small loyal band of Spartans or the invading Persians? Arguments surrounding this theory devolve into bipartisan rhetoric: are you a pro-war neocon or a bleeding heart liberal? Why must I be either one to enjoy or reject this movie? Other people love to point out that the film is glorifying a brutal militaristic state and by extension fascism. I believe the Spartans were fascist in historical fact or at the very least violently nationalistic. As a kid I read a lot of books on Greek myths (with a name like Cassandra the interest develops early). This is a movie based on a myth from a civilisation that lived a long time ago. The brutality displayed in the film never exceed what was described in the written stories. Sometimes, no matter what your political beliefs, a Spartan is just a Spartan.

King Leonidas is quite the manly man what with the cape and the screaming and the arrows sticking out of him

The rest of the outrage surrounding this film focuses on the physical attributes of the Spartans (one word - hot) versus the ugly monstrosity of the Persians. It’s true the Persians are all multiethnic uglies and the Spartans are tall, bronzed white men who enjoy walking around with their considerable ab muscles fully engaged. As Anson remarked (rather bitterly), it must be exhausting walking and talking while holding your abs so rigid. The film also does a really bang up job of slowing down the violence for all the good bits. When you slow down a man throwing a spear through another man are you glorifying violence? Yes. You’re also mimicking every illustration, carving and artistic depiction I’ve ever seen of ancient Greek warriors. I was in the Louvre only a month ago and I can tell you that none of the Greek statues had beer guts.

Spartan soldiers engage in the Greek warrior stance of "Sucking It In"

In response to all these reasons why 300 is fascist, or racist, or pro-war I would ask that audiences remember the context of the film. We learn that the narrator of the entire story was a Spartan soldier sent to rouse the troops to continue the war against the Persians. It makes sense that in this soldier’s version of events the Spartans would look like gods and the enemies like monsters. It also makes sense that every kill, every murderous act would be lovingly observed and the “glory” of fighting for Sparta would be held in the highest regard. I think you can have a lot of fun with 300 if you approach it as a thinking adult (who, admittedly, enjoys campy dialogue and video game visual aesthetics). The film can work as an example of propaganda or even a satire of fascism. It also works as homoerotic (or in my case straight woman erotic) titillation in the grand old tradition. Mostly, however, it works as good time at the movies entertainment. Sometimes a bit of the old ultra violence is just what the doctor ordered.

So I liked 300 enough to give it 4 almost-naked Spartan soldiers out of 5. What did you think?

Glitz! Glamour! Tedious Montages! My Recap of the 2007 Oscars

I could not be bothered to blog live while watching the Oscars. I had three good reasons. One; no one reads my blog. Two; my computer is in a different room from the TV. Three; I had moderately priced champagne to drink and therefore could not reliably make my sarcastic remarks to the TV and type them out at the same time. So here we are, two days after the Oscars, and this is what I remember from the show.

-- People wear nice clothes and walk the red carpet. The editor from Vogue (Andre something) stays at least three feet away from all the pretty ladies and hilariously reaches across the chasm, robot-like, with his microphone. Perhaps he learned his lesson from Isaac Mizrahi and the unfortunate Scarlett Johansson boob-grab of 2005.
-- I’m watching the Oscars. My cat's name is Oscar. Discuss.
-- First item of the night - a short introducing all the nominees. Made by Errol Morris! I like Errol Morris. I’ve watched his films. I’ve heard him discuss his work but this particular Errol Morris production is not very good. It’s too disjointed and choppy to understand. It bogarts the Mac ads to spectacularly bland and confusing effect.
-- If you’re Ellen Degeneres and you are naturally a funny person, please do not use a full gospel choir to underscore your punch lines. It’s not funny. It’s not even tasteful when you think about it.

Ellen's red velour suit is by Maison Pee-Wee

-- For some reason all the boring awards are at the beginning of the show. Seriously, I am an editor. I know technical stuff and even I don’t care.
-- Children of Men, the best movie of 2006, doesn’t win for cinematography. I emphatically give the TV the finger while shouting “NO YOU DIDN’T! You did not just do that!”. Anson ignores me and eats more popcorn.
-- What do you get if you cross Mr. Clean and a pudgy grandmotherly lady? Strangely, you get Jack Nicholson.
-- The announcer calls Internal Affairs a Japanese film. Anson freaks out and calls the Oscars racist... It's a Chinese film by the way. Do not make this mistake around Anson.
-- Hey! They make movies in other countries! It’s true, and to prove it, here’s a montage. Very little dialogue is spoken in this montage - even after a clear warning not to be alarmed when the footage is “not in chronological order” and “in other languages”.

Canada's Lone Oscar Win (Sorry Deepa): Torill Kove wins Best Animated Short for the film The Danish Poet

-- Best Costume is presented with live models in little groups on the stage. The Dreamgirls ensemble features a man performing, what I believe kids call, the “robot dance”. We laugh and laugh and laugh. Three seconds of a guy in gold lame doing the robot makes up for an hour of relative boredom.
-- Interpretative shadow dancers make shadow pictures from such hits as Snakes on a Plane. That was a very good use of three minutes. God knows the Oscars need more padding so by all means, use shadow pictures. Next year, why not introduce some clowns cart wheeling down the aisles or little dogs trained to jump through hoops of fire?
-- Yadda, yadda, yadda, Jennifer Hudson wins. Forest Whitaker wins. I’m happy for him but by this time I am out of the room on a much needed pee break. Helen Mirren wins (happy for that) but for some reason concludes her speech by holding aloft her Oscar and saying “I give you The Queen!”. I’m a little too tipsy to fully understand what she means. Now, fully sober, I still don’t understand.

Helen Mirren confuses all

-- Another montage! Oh good. I was still on the edge of my seat from that last one. This time the montage is all about the good old USA. I’d like to think the Academy didn’t include this just as a counterbalance to the montage about those “other countries”. I’d like to think they’re not so insecure they needed to give us more clips of flags waving in the air to remind us that America is number one. I’d like to think many nice things.
-- Some other stuff happens, I don’t know. The cat is asleep on my leg and Anson’s eyes are glazing over. We’re not used to being up past 10:30 and we’re feeling the negative effects of so much Al Gore appreciation.
-- Dead people on parade! Please go ahead and clap for the people you recognise and ignore the rest. I’m disappointed by the short nod they give to Robert Altman. I’ll miss him and I could have used a few more clips of his amazing films instead of, I don’t know, another episode of shadow puppet theatre.

Leonardo DiCaprio gives Al Gore his 467th appreciative look of the night, accompanied (as always) with earnest, earnest applause.

-- Yay! Marty Scorsese wins for director! After all those years, and all those disappointments, he finally brings home an Oscar. He’s happy and he says a bunch of stuff in a short period of time. Everyone cheers. Huzzah!
-- Best picture - CHILDREN OF MEN. Oh wait, that’s in my head. The Departed wins best picture and the Oscars end approximately fourteen and a half hours after they began. I get to go to bed.

The Oscars AV Club Presents an Award
Alternate caption: Bow Ties for Everyone!

Thank you Oscars, for not sucking as much as you could. This year was bland but thankfully more relaxed than in years past. Ellen Degeneres was a decent host. Cut down some of the montages and artsy shadow people and you’ll have a better show. I still don’t forgive you for giving best picture to Crash last year (or as I call it, the "racism is BAD movie”), but for all my griping I’ll probably be watching again in 2008.

*** First bit of Oscars gossip just came on the morning news. After Alan Arkin won Best Supporting Actor, fellow nominee Eddie Murphy stormed out of his seat and left the building. He didn’t even stay to see Jennifer Hudson win. Tsk tsk. They dragged Peter O’Toole to the event, and he’s a hundred years old! He didn’t win his category - hell, Peter O’Toole has never won an Oscar but he still took the loss better than Eddie “I played a cartoon donkey” Murphy. ***